Caregiver Stress: What To Do Before You Burn Out | Simple Tools to Lighten the Load

Caregiving can feel heavy, especially when you are carrying stress, guilt, constant responsibility, and the pressure to keep going.

In this special workshop episode of We Laugh So We Don’t Cry, Tina Rains, RN, and Melinda Lee Foster walk through simple tools to help caregivers reduce stress, identify triggers, set boundaries, build a care team, and find small ways to reset before burnout takes over.

This episode is more interactive than usual, so you may want a notebook nearby. You’ll be invited to pause, reflect, and write down a few things that can help you better understand what is causing stress and what support you may need.

Note: This episode includes reflection prompts, breathing, grounding, and simple movement exercises. Please do not do the activity portions while driving, operating equipment, or doing anything that needs your full attention. You can always come back to those parts later when you’re in a safe place.

If caregiving has been getting to you lately, this episode is meant to help you feel a little less alone and a little more supported.

Resources Mentioned:

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Download free caregiver resources or book a free 15-minute call with a care navigator

Care coordination app mentioned in this episode: Aone Healthcare app

Related episode mentioned:

Pam Wilson on creating a family plan and reducing caregiver resentment

Related episode mentioned:

Dr. Julia Guerrini on caregiver stress and identifying triggers

For movement and grounding exercises, you may find it helpful to watch the video version of this episode.

Thanks for listening to We Laugh So We Don’t Cry — honest conversations, real support, and a little laughter for the caregiving journey.

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🤍 Thanks to our sponsor, MasterPiece Care, for providing free caregiver guides and resources. You can also book a free conversation call with Tina Rains, RN through MasterPiece Care at the link above.

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Transcript

Special workshop episode + safety note

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Today I really wanted to do something that uh I feel like all of the caregivers out there were probably intelligent, accomplished people who've done a lot of things. I've done a lot of personal growth work in my life, and I'm finding as I'm learning more and more about caregiving, I'm not applying what I should already know. I mean, I should know some of this stuff. So it's really good to go back in. And I've been like all over the internet trying to learn things. And now I want to share some of the things that I've just learned again for the 19th time, you know, and then it's applying what you learn, you know. And and one of the things that I heard that I'll just share off the top is a statistic. In one place I saw 53 million, another place I saw 70 million caregivers out there. One in four adults is the caregiver of their parent or spouse. And this is the time in their life when, like you say all the time, this is the one of the hardest jobs you never applied for. And so there are a lot of people out there that probably feel like we do that they could use a few tips. And so this is really going to be a workshop. And we're what we were asking you to do is get your notebook out, get a get some pen, pencil, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

There's your timing. Do not stop. Don't get a wreck, getting your piece of paper out of your glove box.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

We don't want any. Yeah, if you're driving, yeah. If you're driving, yeah, obviously that's a disclaimer right there. But um, but we think that this could be something you can go back to. Obviously, you can come back and watch this uh episode anytime that you feel like you need a refresher. But maybe if you have a piece of paper in front of you, it will help you to actually track it for yourself. Because as all the experts come on our show, they tell us there's every situation is different, every family is different, every person that's being caregiven to is different. So we all have our own unique situations, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Yeah, absolutely. And I'm so glad we're doing this because I do feel like having practical tools that you can actually take with you, you can implement. And it is a habit, right? If you look at Dr. Carolyn Leaf does research and she's a neuroscientist, she talks about it takes three sets of 21 days to change a habit. Wow. And oftentimes as a caregiver, we get into these habits and both bad habits and good habits, right? And so what we want to talk about today is really going to be, I think, powerful for caregivers to help them to create new habits that are gonna help them to cope with these difficult times and the difficult, you know, season that they're in, and get a little laughter back into it because that's what we're all about, right? Right.

Identifying your caregiving triggers

SPEAKER_01 2:51

We had a number of experts on our earlier, Dr. Julia Garini, and she was talking about stress and different ways of dealing with stress and everything like this, but she said something that really stuck with me, and that's identifying where your triggers are at. And that these I didn't even know I had any triggers, right? I mean, I mean I've heard of it, but I like, what is a what's really a trigger? So, so um what I learned from going on the internet is if you can find a way to start to create your own little guide here. So I've got uh my triggers, and my triggers are when my mom continues to repeat the same story, and it seems to be like negative stories, and she's repeating them over and over. And I hear it, and I I go into I stop breathing, I get I get kind of like angry inside, and I can feel myself kind of like clenching my teeth. This is not a good sign. I don't think it's not a good sign, and then some of the things and then and then right on the heels of that is the shame on me. That's the thought that goes along with it, like shame on me for even having that thought. So we want you to do this for yourself. It's a trigger sheet that allows you to start to identify that you even have a trigger. Most of us aren't even aware that we have a trigger. So you're on the first column, you're going to put the word trigger and you're going to write something down. I wrote, my mom repeats the same old story. The second column, you're going to say, What is my bodily reaction to that trigger? I'm clenching my teeth, I'm holding my breath, I'm whatever it is for you, whatever that is. And then the next thing, which is the most important piece, is what is the thought that's going through your brain at the same time this trigger thing is all happening? And mine is typically shame on me. So it's guilt. You know, I'm feeling guilty that I'm even having this thought. There's a thought associated with it. When you get all of this together, we're going to ask you to just pause right now and take the time to think. If you're driving, just take the time right now just to think about what are those things that you can start to identify because there's more than one trigger that we all have. And starting to identify them starts to take some of the power away from it too.

SPEAKER_00 5:15

Go ahead and pause this podcast for a moment. Take some time to just think about it. Write it down if you're not driving. And if you're driving, just pause this podcast and just think for a few minutes because I do think there's something really valuable

Trigger worksheet: what happens in your body and mind

SPEAKER_00 5:30

in identifying those triggers.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Okay, so we're back. And the next thing that I thought was really one of those helpful tools that we can all easily do, and these are all free, which is even better, is to start to create that community, that caretaking community, not feeling like you have to be the only one doing this, you know, whether it's your family or whatever. So this is again something that I saw on the internet that I thought was great. And it's three different columns. The first column is family, the second column is friends, and then the last column is professionals. So under each one of those categories now, you can start to say, wow, I thought I was the only one doing this and I had to take it all on myself. Well, that's a lot of pressure and that creates burnout. But if you can start to say, like, okay, what can my family do? Could they could they send a note to mom? Could they call mom? Could what whatever? Could they take, could they, if they live close by, can they do one of the doctor visits, you know, with the friends? Can I ask someone to take mom to go get her nails done rather than me having to do it and take three hours out of my day? And what about professionals? Can I bring in a caretaker?

Building your care team: family, friends, and professionals

SPEAKER_01 6:45

Maybe I need, maybe I need to, I've actually hired a therapist and about once every six weeks I talk to that person. And so, like starting to have these people that are your care group. These are people, I mean, I had a young friend recently who had some surgery and she had this chart, and she had people bring me a meal, walk my dogs, like all these different things that people can do for you. So, Tina, what absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

So, as you're saying that, that's one of the biggest things that I see with caregivers and burnout is they don't stop and think about who is in their circle. Who it takes a village, right? Just like when we're raising kids, when we're dealing with a senior parent, it also takes a village. And making this list so that you're really cognizant of it. I mean, there's even a software um created now, and I think I've mentioned before we'll have that on this episode, right? Where people can go in and yeah, we'll we'll put it down below. But when you make this list that Melissa's Melissa Melinda is describing, right, it has to be thinking through who are those people because you're not alone. And oftentimes I hear from others, well, they just don't ask. So I didn't even know there was a need. And the caregiver saying, I didn't want to put that pressure on them because I know they're busy. So if there's a way to make a list or an email chat with the key people in your family, your friends, or utilizing that software, then you know that you're going to be able to have them just like pick up that need versus you feeling like you're gonna call, hey, can you do this? Hey, can you do that? It just gives you a place to, you know, to unload it without the guilt, right?

SPEAKER_01 8:29

Right. Well, and when it's pre-planned, also, you know, we're gonna get into that in another one of these uh little modules that we have, because it does have to be scheduled. So you can count on it, and that person knows that they're scheduled for that as opposed to like a last minute thing, and then you're like, then you really feel guilty about asking people. So we have to do it in a in a form or fashion that works. So now it's your turn to stop and think about putting this little chart together. These are the three categories. Family, what can you expect or ask your family to do that you're not asking them to do now? What's happening with the friends? Who are some of your friends that could take? Who are your parents' friends, maybe, maybe neighbors, you don't know who that is. And then sometimes professionals, where can you get help that you need help to support you? So now, 60 seconds for you to start to create this care team for your parent or your loved one.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

Again, just put it on pause for a second and take the minute to do that for yourself. I think it'll you'll be amazed at how many people you really find that are willing to help you and support you and support your parent.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

If you recall, we had a guest expert on the other day, and she said, you have to ask. Absolutely. Because people are sometimes waiting for a sign, like, how can I be of service? You know, we say, like, oh, please please God, let me be of service somewhere on the planet. Well, no one's asked me, right? So that's a good, it's a good time to um get that prayer met. Absolutely. Okay, and now we're back to one that I think is very key for a lot of people, and it it really kind of overlays on pretty much every relationship we have in our lives, and it's the ability to set boundaries. And Tina, you're really good at this. So I'm gonna let you kind of lead this and then I'll just interject a few ideas here and there.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

Oh, boundaries are so important because what happens in caregiving is that we start doing everything and we don't have

Setting boundaries before resentment builds

SPEAKER_00 10:30

any boundaries. We can be called any time of day, we can be woken up, all those things. And oftentimes, not only is a caregiver getting burned out, but the the parent has no boundaries, and they literally will wake up in the middle of the night and call their child. And so it's really important to have those conversations. If your parent has dementia, it may be more difficult to set those boundaries with them. However, if you have a caregiver that's caring for them, you need to set those boundaries with the caregiver. I am not available from 10 p.m. to 8 a.m. unless it's an emergency with my mother.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

Right. I actually put my phone on uh do not disturb because I noticed that my mom has a little bit of that, like in the evening, gets more upset, and it's not a good time to have a conversation, you know. So, but there is a designation on your phone, right, Tina, that you can set so that I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

So if you put if you put the numbers in your favorites, it allows that person, even though you're on do not disturb, if they call twice, it'll go through. And so there's a setting on your telephone, you can do that, you can Google it, it'll teach you step by step how to do it. But it's really important because then if it is an emergency, they call you back the second time, it comes through because you don't want to not receive the emergency calls, but boundaries like that, boundaries like okay, I am working nine to five, so I'm only allowed to be called during that time because oftentimes what happens is the um individual caring for their parent is distracted even at work and it affects their work. And you've heard many times of caregivers ending up getting terminated because they're so distracted with phone calls from the caregiver or from their parent. And so having other family members that can check in with mom and set the boundary of like, I need you in asking for the help, like you talked about. I need you to call mom twice a day during the day. You're not working, you might be in, you know, um Washington, DC, but you can reach out, and so having those boundaries with your family as well of I cannot be disturbed unless it's an emergency. So you have to take that responsibility. And so again, we had one of our um counselors that was on, and she talked about one of the biggest issues is people don't plan ahead. So plan those types of things. Set your boundaries of what works for you. Look at your family, your relationship with your spouse, with your children, your business, and what boundaries do you need to set so that you can be attentive to them? Because if the rest of your life starts falling apart because you're not paying attention to it, then it's not a good thing for you, and you're not gonna be present for the care for the person you're caring for, and you're gonna get more and more resentful. So it's really important.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

So I'm gonna I'm going to read something. This was a script that I saw online that I thought was really, really great because I think sometimes people don't even know how to phrase uh the request, the boundary kind of request. And this one said, I love mom, right? And I'm doing everything I can for mom. So you're saying maybe this to your parent, your um, your brothers and sisters, you know, whatever. Um and for me to complete continue to show up as my best self, which is the person I want to be, I need you, like my brother or sister or neighbor, whatever, to call mom, to take mom to this, to whatever. And I'll check in with you and see how that went, you know. So it's it's allowing you to be very strong and not feel guilty about requesting some time for yourself or that someone else take on, and I hate to use the word burden, let's use the word responsibility, you know, honor. It's like, you know, it's like it's it's you know, it's it's a double-edged sword sometimes, you know, it's it feels good to be able to do it, and at the same time, it feels sometimes exhausting. So it's it's good to share that with the people that love that person too.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

I think it's a strong way of setting the boundary and it gives them clear expectations of you call, I will connect with you, and this is why I need it, because oftentimes they don't realize what you're going through because you're not having that communication with them as well. So communicating so they understand what your day-to-day looks like with your parent also is really helpful for them because oftentimes siblings that live out of state, they just don't know. It's not that they don't care, they just don't know.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Right. We just had Pam uh Wilson, is that right? And she talked about having a family plan. And I think this is this enters into that whole conversation too. So if you haven't seen that episode, go back and watch that episode because it's really key to uh not having resentment build up, you know, and and sharing the wealth, you know, the wealth of uh taking care of your parent or or spouse, you know, it's really important. So what we're gonna ask you to do right now is uh pause again and take the next minute to think about like how can I use this phraseology? Like, where like write your your statement, you're setting a boundary statement for yourself right now, and maybe who you want to say that to. You want to say it to your neighbor, you want to say it to your brothers or sisters, you want to say it to some other caregiver that's um involved with this, you know, uh challenge and this time in our life, this season as we call

Writing a boundary statement

SPEAKER_01 16:18

it. And um, so for the next 60 seconds, just I think enough.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

And I want to add something to that before they so if you're thinking about what that'd be and you're like, I have no idea how to say it without them getting mad at me, or how you know, just maybe take the 60 seconds to write out what your boundaries need to be. Like, what are the things that you need to set some boundaries around because you're noticing that you're not managing them well or that it's causing too much stress at home, etc. And then a to a tool that's amazing nowadays, you could literally, after after you listen to the podcast, go back and go ask chat GPT like how do I make a sentence to my brother or my sister that sounds loving, but that sets my boundary, and just tell them what your goal is. You want to have a strong relationship with your brother. You want to, you know, you want to, and chat will actually create some options and tell it, give me like 10 options, and you can, you know, ask it for that, and you have 10 options, and then you go, this one sounds the most like me, most authentic, because you want it to be something you would do. So just a little tip and tool. So take this time to really evaluate what are your boundaries you need to set. That's so important. Right.

Reframing guilt, frustration, and negative thoughts

SPEAKER_01 17:38

That's a good point. Most people don't take the time to think about this. That's why this little workshop is invaluable if you do it. You can listen to it, you can watch it, but if you actually for you, you have to make it your own for it to really have impact in your life. Okay, so we're back in this next portion of our workshop, we're talking about reframing things. And I remember this word from coaching that I've done in the past, and this this whole concept of looking at it from a little different angle and being able to almost rewire your brain to think things differently, see it a different way. Um, for example, one of the questions is what am I assuming is true? But I don't really know that it's 100% true. Sounds like a strange question. Um, the second one was if a friend was in this exact situation, what advice uh would I give to my friend? Because now you're seeing it like almost like you're I I've always heard this one also. Imagine that you're a director up here, manipulating the characters in the movie of your life. What would that director uh say to that character right now in this time, which I think is another way of looking at it. And what's one Tina, I'm gonna let you take this one. Can you see this one? What's one uh minor thing that I can change and control today? I think that's uh huge.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Yeah, so that is huge. And I will say oftentimes those those mantras, those phrases that we're saying to ourselves are not good enough. I'm not doing this right, I'm not doing enough, I'm a horrible daughter or son, I feel guilty because I have these emotions. All those statements of feelings, they're real, you feel that way, right? But the reality is you're not a horrible daughter, you're not a horrible son. It's just difficult. And so really reframing some of the way we speak versus saying I'm a horrible daughter. You know what? I love my mom and I'm doing the best I can, and I'm grateful that I get to have her, versus oftentimes, especially if you're stressed out and you're burnout, so it's really important not to get to that place, is here she goes again. I'm gonna have to take care of her. Well, taking care of our parents is a blessing, so if we see it as a blessing, it makes it so much easier. So just reframing those sentences from I get to take care of her, I get to be there for her, versus I have to. I'm the drudgery of it, right? It just changes and shifts your brain.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

Right. So one of the things that we're going to ask you to look at is go back to that first uh section where we talked about the triggers. Think of one of your triggers, what's happening, and use that as the example. Uh mine was, you know, my mom tells the same story over and over again. So um, then go back through these three questions. So we'll have these questions for you so that you can, you know, work your way through them. You know, what am I assuming to be true? That she doesn't remember that she said this. Okay, that could be true. You know, like you start to then you're starting to think like, oh, okay, well, she doesn't even remember that she said this. So why am I getting all frustrated about it? You know, it's not like she's doing it on purpose or something like that. And you asking a friend, what would your friend do in this situation? Okay, my friend, what do I do? My mom's and she goes, you know, think about all how how how long your mom has been there for you, your whole life, 70 years now. Your mom's been there for you. You know, like you do this with your mom too, Tina. I know you say, like, you'll think of like three cheerleader things that your mom does for you when you're having those moments. But think about the the trigger. She's doing it. I'm feeling myself getting triggered. And here's another way I can, oh, I could if I can see it from a different angle, it will help me get through and be that loving daughter that you and I both want to be. So, um, and then what I think that's one small thing I could change. If I was thinking again about that story, um saying the same story over and over again, I I think that that would be, okay, Melinda, can you see the levity in this? If I just say to myself, that's so we laugh so we don't cry pizza, like, can I see the levity and the humor in this? Like, what if this was a comedy skit on Saturday Night Live, you know, or something like that? And then I just makes me giggle, and then I go, okay, that shifted my energy, that rewired my brain a little bit and it made it easier.

SPEAKER_00 22:29

Wow. And one of mine that helps me with a lot of my phrasing is two simple words. So what? So what that I might hear something multiple times. Does it really hurt me? You know, so what that she may not remember something. Does it really affect me? And when we really think about the the brevity, you know, how important that is in the schema of the big life, so what? It really doesn't make that much difference. It means you have to have a little bit more patience for a few minutes, right? But in life, if we start looking at what used to be negatives, as so what? Does it really matter that much?

SPEAKER_01 23:17

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

Then all of a sudden it's like, yeah, you're right, really. So what? So I listened to it twice, big deal. I listened to it five times, big deal. Like, you know, um, because in the scheme of it and the 90 something years of you know, years of mom, her caring for us, does it really matter?

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Right, right, right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

It's it's and it's that reframing it in a way that you can get your head around and and I have to do that to myself on a lot of areas, and I use that for everything, every for a lot of things in my life, not all the relationships, all the relationships we have in our life.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

This is not just this is not just the caregiver relationship, but it definitely, yeah. I will say that there was one other thing that just popped up when you were saying that too, is one of our other speakers who was on. So sometimes you're just like you'll see this one, and then we hope you'll go back and watch some of the other episodes that we have and subscribe and all that good stuff too. Was that she said, make your parents, uh your or who have your care feel like you are on their team. Like I I I know just I know just how you feel about that. I remember that. Blah blah blah. Like, like be on the team rather than feeling like you're the boss of the team, you're on the team. And that that creates a whole different energy in itself, too. I I love that uh as a as a tip, and I think that fits in here. So we hope that you'll take the time right now, the next 60 seconds, think about your trigger, think about how you could reframe it in a way so that it is more palatable, makes you happier, puts a smile on your face, and uh we'll be right back in just a second. Okay, so now we're back, and this is gonna be a little interesting because it's gonna take a little technology for us to accomplish this, and hopefully it will work out. Because what we wanted to do is we've had people on that would talked about moving our bodies and just kind of shaking it and kind of shifting the energy and deep breathing exercises, and not that those aren't important, those are great, but we wanted to kind of take it out just like a little step deeper with some very specific moves that you can do. Um, if anybody has ever done some physical things where there's something called a cat cow, you arch your back and then you kind of like lower your back. I'm going to demonstrate this in a video for you. Um, Tina's gonna lead us through some box breathing in just a second. She's like, Well, I am yes, I am okay. And then if you if you remember as a kid, you used to do make uh snow angels. Another one is you're doing a uh uh like a wall squat where your back's on the wall and your knees are bent, so you're like a you're like a chair, and then you're just bringing your arms up and over. So this is a way to just kind of shift all your energy. If you don't have a wall handy and you're just wanting to shift your energy, you can do what I used to do when I was a little girl in in ballet class, and that would be a plie, like a all,

Breathing, movement, and grounding tools

SPEAKER_01 26:15

and I'm gonna demonstrate that that as well. And then the final one, which I think is so interesting because it looks like you're doing nothing, and you're either just standing still, kind of grounding yourself, but you start to pay attention. Can I feel my toes? Can I feel my feet? Can I feel my calves? And then you work your way up your body, and then once you get all the way up to your head, they're like, and can I see three or four different colors? What you're doing is you're changing your whatever you were thinking about that was a negative thought or negative energy, whatever. You're shifting it because you can't have two thoughts at the same time. Your brain will go to one or the other. So, like, can I smell? Is that fresh paint I smell? Or is that spaghetti in there that I'm smelling? You know, like you're you like you force your brain to like start to have different ideas. So we're going to insert those videos for you to see. But let's go to the um the box breathing, Tina, because we can do that together right now.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Yeah. So something to think about when you're doing the box breathing, because breathing helps rewire your brain. But also, did you know that gratitude, when you're focused on gratitude, it actually also helps get your um your sympathetic nervous system, like you're if you're upset or you're struggling, you're having a bad day, when you're doing that box breathing, look around, look at the colors, look at your parent, look at anything that you can find in the room where you're at and do the breathing. But while you're doing the breathing, think about what you're grateful for, and start thinking about those thoughts of what you're grateful for. And if you'll name three or four things and even just, oh, how beautiful, like Melinda just was kind of alluding to, how beautiful is that blue in that chair? It's so lovely, it actually changes your chemical balance, it also decreases your heart rate a little bit, lets you calm down, especially if you're having a really tough day, and it will do even more than just the box breathing on its own. So let's do the box breathing. Box breathing is basically in through your nose for four seconds, hold it one, two, three, four, out for four seconds, hold it for one, two, three, four, back in for one, two, three, four. Hold it for one, two, three, four, and then release it for one, two, three, four. If you'll do that multiple times, just try to do six to ten of those box breathing with gratitude simultaneously, life-changing in that moment, it will completely get your brain rewired. Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:14

So breathe in gratitude, hold, like feel it. Bold in that gratitude. Yeah, then exhale.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

While you're holding for those four seconds, you can be looking around at the things you're so grateful for. Right. And one of those is our parents. We're so grateful for them. And for those of you, I have to say this out loud because oftentimes I do have people say, You don't know what my parents did to me. I'm stuck taking care of them. That is a real issue. Right. And you know what? It might be the only thing that you can say you're grateful for for them is the fact that you're the wonderful human being that you are. Because having come from trauma as a kid myself, I remember when I started doing that with um one of my perpetrators. The only thing I could think of was I learned Spanish. That was something I was blessed because of that person being in my life. So I want to say that to you because it's real. There's a lot of kids that didn't necessarily have the best parents that are now take forced to take care of them, and it's harder because you did go through that. And so you're not alone. And I will say, we do give 15-minute free consultations to just talk through some of this. We Pam Wilson did a whole video for us. She's a counselor, she does it all over the country, she specializes in this. So we have resources for you. We want to be there for you because you're not alone. So absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

What I'd like to do right now, Tina, is just talk through some of those moves a little bit. So the first, the first one that we're gonna do is this cat cow. Um, and it's really basically you're just you're on all fours on your knees, and you're going to arch your back like a cat, and you're gonna drop your head, and you're gonna feel that nice arch all the way in your back, and then that's an exhale, and then as you inhale, you're going to let your back like have a sway back. So your hips kind of like point up to the ceiling, and your shoulders kind of point up to the ceiling, and your head comes up, but you have kind of like the sway back, and then you do that, repeating that multiple times. So again, you're getting that rotation in your back, you're loosening up your shoulders, your hips are getting released, and all of that is giving you that peacefulness, changing your energy, shifting it. And these are meant to be um like little six minutes a day, just a few minutes a day that you're gonna do this for yourself. We're gonna do, you're gonna repeat the box breathing that Tina guided us through, and then you're going to do like a snow angel on the wall, where you are going to sit on the wall, basically, and it's it's like a chair pose. And then you're just going to bring your arms up overhead, like a ballerina, and then back down. If you don't have a wall and you want to do this, it's like a simple plie. If you haven't seen a plie recently in a 70-year-old, you're going to see it today. Anyway, and uh, and so your feet are about two feet apart, distance-wise, they're a little beyond uh hip width, and you're going to just bend your knees. And as you bend your knees and you leave your back straight as possible, you're not leaning forward as you're doing this, you're trying to come down as a solid plane, and you're going to lift your arms up over your head and then bring them back down, kind of swing them in front of your uh legs, and then go back up and again. This just and then so you're inhaling up and exhaling down and inhaling up and exhaling down, and just keep repeating that for the next uh 30 to 60 seconds again. It's an energy shift for you. And then the last one is where we're going to have you just standing still. This is so hard for most of us, right? Just imagine now, just the the trick to this one is to be so present that you can feel everything that I'm mentioning to you. So your eyes can be closed at first, so you can start to be grounded to the earth. Imagine that this beautiful planet that was created for us to live on, and your feet are just feeling the energy come into them. You're feeling your toes grip the floor. Now imagine that you can feel the weight shifting to your heels. You can feel your ankles, and you're just working your way up your body into your calves. You might want to tighten them a little bit. Your knees are not locked solid, they're just a little bit of softness to them, working your way up to your thighs. Can you feel those? Now tuck your bottom under a little bit, lift your ribs up, bring your shoulders down, and then bring your hands to your side and rotate your thumbs outward as if you're hitchhiking on both sides. Your shoulders should be down and relaxed. Imagine that there's a string right at your collarbone lifting you up. And now open your eyes and start to see the room. See how many colors you can see. Let your eyes rest somewhere for a moment and just relax and look somewhere else. Notice if you can taste anything. Notice if you can smell anything. Pull in all the senses that you possibly can. And you're gonna hold that for about 60 seconds. And now we're ready to come back into our bodies. Sometimes you just shake it off a little bit. Sometimes we shake it off, and we tina, we shake it off, shake it off. Okay, that's another good energy shifter, too, is to just shake everything off a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

And now in bad, they go in the bathroom, just shake like this. So anyone saw you, they think you're gone crazy, but right, right.

Putting yourself on the calendar

SPEAKER_01 35:15

So we're kind of ending up here at a really interesting spot too, because this is probably on this last section of our little workshop together, is a how to put your life, how to have control of your life and make this caregiving piece not take over everything in your life. And to also give yourself a little credit for what you're doing. Because I think that's one of the things that a lot of us just we just don't know how to give ourselves credit. So this is getting your calendar out and taking these blocks, two-hour blocks. Like I, these two hours, I'm going to do X for me. And every Tuesday afternoon, these two hours are my two hours. I'm having a date with myself, to whatever you want to do, um, to put in, to actually schedule in your 30-minute or 10-minute or two-minute walk, whatever it is for you, wherever you're starting out. Um, some people are going to go out on a five-mile walk. You know, great, good for you. It's fantastic. Um, also, uh, how are you bringing together? We want to also talk about bringing together the caregivers that you have in your life. So those could be your neighbors, those can be your family members, those can be the professionals, like making sure that they're all in there, programmed in, because we talked about having that care team for your family, making sure that's in the calendar and that you're doing it. And then as you accomplish any of these things, you put a big old check mark on it, or you put a little C behind it, completed. And there's something that gets rewired in the brain again. We talk about how important it is that if we are now saying, like, wow, I didn't realize I did all that, you know, it could be like I made my bed today, you know, I made my bed and I feel proud of that. I I did my exercises today. So, like all of these things that you can put your little check mark beside. Little, you have your your pull, yeah, pull it up there, Tina. It's like I think it's really important.

SPEAKER_00 37:19

Now, do you highlight when you when you finish something? Do you highlight it like you finished it? I do. I I mark it out and just like a to-do list, right? Because oftentimes when we're parents, when we're caregivers, we don't put ourselves as a priority. And so it's really important to have it. I remember John Maxwell always said, I look at the beginning of my year, and the healthiest way for me, even as a business leader, is to mark off my vacations, my me time, my family time, everything first. And so as a caregiver, it's the same thing. You have a lot of responsibilities, however, you have this whole other side of the world besides the caregiving, that you have to be intentional. And that's why boundaries are so important as well. So planning ahead is so key. Right.

SPEAKER_01 38:09

And and what I've been reading, that if you do this, if you actually take the time to write down all the things that you're doing and that you're accomplishing and you're taking credit for because you're not taking credit for them normally. I mean, I got mom to and from the eye doctors. Check, yay, yay, me, woo-hoo. Have a little, have a yeah, you be proud of yourself for it. That you will notice over time that your anxiety and stress will re will be greatly reduced, as much as 50% reduction, because you're seeing it all from a different angle and you're giving yourself a little credit for what you have done, right, Tina?

SPEAKER_00 38:47

Love that. Yes, absolutely. It's so powerful. And

Resources, support, and final encouragement

SPEAKER_00 38:51

you know, it's interesting because as you write it down, you mark it out, you have this sense of accomplishment. And sometimes when you're caregiving, you don't feel like you're accomplishing anything. You feel like you're always falling behind, and that's not truth. And so when you write it down and you're marking it out, it will change your whole perspective.

SPEAKER_01 39:10

Right. So I think that these calendars that we're going to be keeping, the care teams, like all these things all together are really important. Um, we're also going to have uh below some resources for you too. So where you can go for some more support. Uh obviously, we feel like this is a great place for you to uh have as your family, join the Facebook community page. We'll have some different information there. You know, subscribe, all that. And um there are there are some uh apps that are out there that are very helpful too. So we'll list a couple of those that we think that if you can tune in to some of this and take care of yourself, then this time in our lives can be joyful, it can be filled with, you know, like expanded love as opposed to like, oh my gosh, yeah, it's like you have a choice. We have a choice on how we have this last experience with our parents.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

Absolutely, we do. And we get to choose laughter and joy.

SPEAKER_01 40:10

We do, we do.

SPEAKER_00 40:12

All right, well, it's been great, and I think this is great practical information for you to implement. We'll have it all below. And if you need to talk to someone and you just want to reach out, I'll put the link down below for a free 15-minute just conversation about it, and um, we'll have some resources for you. So we're here for you, you're not alone, and um, we'll see you on the next episode. Don't forget to subscribe and like and share and comment and comment.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

Yeah, that'd be fun.

SPEAKER_00 40:42

Tell us what your tips are. I would love to hear what you have. What has helped you? We could do a whole other workshop with just ideas from absolutely one of the things that we are gonna do, and I would love for you to comment down below if you hear this, is we're going to put together a group of caregivers that they give their very best practical tools that they utilized to help them navigate through the caregiving season. So we're gonna actually bring a group of caregivers that tell you firsthand what worked for me, what were my biggest obstacles, and how did I overcome them? Because that's what it's about. It's about solutions, not just problems.

SPEAKER_01 41:22

I need more solutions.

SPEAKER_00 41:23

Yes, exactly. So have a great day. God bless you guys.

SPEAKER_01 41:29

So join us, pull up the chair, you're strong, you're seeing your eye on time. We laugh, we love, we share, we laugh so we don't cry.

SPEAKER_00 41:41

Join us.