Are You Missing the Signs Your Parent Needs More Help?

If you’re caring for an aging parent, it can be hard to tell when small changes are becoming bigger signs.

In this episode, Tina and Melinda talk honestly about what it feels like to realize your parent may need more help than you wanted to admit. They also talk about how caregiver stress, overload, and trying to hold everything together can make it harder to notice what is really going on.

This conversation touches on physical decline, emotional overwhelm, grounding, prayer, quiet, and why taking care of yourself matters if you want to stay present for the people you love.

In this episode:
• How to notice when your parent may need more help
• Why caregivers sometimes miss the signs
• How stress spills into marriage, family, and daily life
• Why prayer, quiet, and grounding can help
• Why self-care is part of caregiving, not separate from it 

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https://masterpiececare.com/family-guides/what-families-miss-before-crisis

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https://welaughsowedontcry.com

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🤍 Thanks to our sponsor, MasterPiece Care, for providing free caregiver guides and resources. You can also book a free conversation call with Tina Rains, RN through MasterPiece Care at the link above.

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Transcript

Are you missing the signs your parent needs more help?

SPEAKER_01 0:00

We love so we don't cry.

SPEAKER_00 0:02

We're tired but we still try. Holding up the ones we love with coffee, courage and time. Talk about caregiving. When you're like watching your mom today and she's struggling so much to walk, to coordinate, to even carry her coffee because she's spilling it. I'm like, have I been ignoring the signs too?

unknown 0:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

I think this is what's most interesting for me is we've got all these people coming in. And sometimes it's each other who are acting as the expert, you know? And you can take it in, but if it just like rolls right off of you and you don't do anything with it, it is such a waste of time, you know. And you know, I was just listening to another podcast thing, and and she was saying, this is tough. This is tough work and it takes time. And even for people to want to hang in there with us and watch, subscribe, you know, like, but to be a part of a community, it takes time. So I'm hopeful that when people see our hearts and they see that they're in the same kind of a situation, yeah, this relatability, the more honest we are with our own lives, like your mom. You know, you're so like, oh my gosh, I'm supposedly the expert here. And am I missing these clues?

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Oh, absolutely. As a matter of fact, it's been a busy week because, you know, we're providing these concierge caregivers here in South Florida. And

Tina realizes her mom may need more support

SPEAKER_00 1:42

so I had her come up for the weekend for Mother's Day with my daughter broader, and I recognize watching her. Oh my goodness, Tina, you haven't been down there in two weeks because she's been up here. And as I was watching her, I thought, I cannot do that. I have got to be more here. I'm taking care of all these other families, but yet my mom is, I'm just concerned about her. And she she's probably gonna watch this and go, why are you so concerned about me? Um, she doesn't like that I talk about her on this. So, mom, if you hear this, just know that it's out of love. Like it's not out of, you know, it's really out of, I don't want something to happen to my mom because I'm ignoring the signs, which I'm telling all these families not to. And um, I have, you know, started putting this early awareness in all these other families' homes, and I haven't put in her. So I'm literally going to drive down there tomorrow and I'm putting in her home because I need to know what's going on when I'm not there. I need to be more comfortable with knowing that she's okay, and especially with the assisted living home having some, you know, setbacks. We may not have the rooms for her soon or then later, like we thought. So maybe she needs more caregiving. And so I am working with one of our guests, um, the attorney,

Knowing what to do is not the same as doing it

SPEAKER_00 3:09

who is helping me set her up financially with the VA and different things to get some help for caregiving. So, yeah, so I want to say, like, when you say you're not alone, you're really not alone, even though I can tell you exactly what to do. Like you said the other day, Melinda, you have to implement.

unknown 3:30

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

You can know all this knowledge, but if you don't implement it, what good are we doing our parents? Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

And and if it starts, if that's the thing that I'm really realizing when I had my little breakdown with you, you know, a week or so ago, and I was just like, I was just all in. I mean, I just I had given everything I had to give, and I was just, and I, and it wasn't, and it still didn't feel like enough. And then to sit back and go like, what can I do differently? Oh, yeah, all this stuff that I'm hearing that I need to do. I mean, I and I I told you, I literally went that afternoon and did my workout practice. I took some time to pray and meditate. I took some time to just be within myself and be quiet and peaceful.

Prayer, grounding, and taking one quiet minute

SPEAKER_01 4:17

The other thing I've been hearing a lot about is go out and just stand in the grass, on dirt, on the sand, whatever you for just a minute.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

I have been doing that too, to get grounded. And it is amazing how much that helps.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Yeah, it's and it's a simple thing. One minute, we we can do it. But it's that it's that we it's like, y'all get to it, y'all get to it, y'all get to it, right? Yeah, and you don't get to it because then oh, your husband calls you for this and your kids call you for that, or your mom gets on the phone, or your dogs start yelping, or something happens, and your attention to yourself gets pulled away. And then the person that needs to make sure she's getting the most caregiving herself is get actually getting it. I mean, and I mean, I I would like us as maybe part of our our um program is to take that minute, like right in the middle of a show and just be quiet together for a minute, you know.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

That's what's interesting because we just had a women's event on Saturday, and one of the speakers really felt like God told her to do this quiet moment. And do you know I had several people tell me I did not like doing that? Why did she do that? It was so uncomfortable because being quiet with your own thoughts, with your own self is so unnerving to some people. And so I'm with you, Melinda. Like, I really believe that if we just take that moment and we are just silent with ourselves and we're just quiet, and

When caregiver stress starts affecting everything

SPEAKER_00 5:56

um, not only does it free up space mentally and taking those deep, slow box breaths we've talked about on several of our um our episodes, while you're doing that quiet moment, it also gives you time to just reflect. And am I being the best version of myself for me, but also for the ones around me? Because oftentimes it's your loved ones, it's the ones who you're taking care of, it's the ones that are still at home. There's a lot of these stacked families, they've still got kids at home, they're taking care of their parent, they've got young kids, um, grandkids, different things, right? And when you're too stressed, you can't do any of it well. And I'm speaking personally because I feel like I was snippety a little bit, or maybe a lot, actually, at one moment, if I'm being transparent, and I caught myself, I'm like, where is that coming from? It's just because I'm got too many things going on in my brain, and I'm letting all these things catch up, and it's so easy to do in life in general, let alone when you have the extra stress of taking care of a family member. And it's not that they're doing anything because my mom tries her hardest to do everything for herself so she doesn't bother me because I'm so busy. It's not anything she's putting on me, it's just that I love her and I want her to be okay. It's actually making me emotional. And so to go, okay, I can't take care of everybody else and not take care of my own family. That's big. That is. So yeah, you have to step back and go, I need to breathe. I need to breathe a little bit here.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Yeah, I find myself um being short with my husband. He's not the one I'm giving care to. What I mean, I do as his wife, but you know, not that, not the scenario that we're kind of talking about. And he couldn't be more sweet. He's the sweetest man on the planet, and here I am. Like, where's that coming from? And then I go, it's coming from you not taking care of yourself. Yeah. Because if I'm not taking care of myself, I don't have that reserve. And it's the thing is it's something you have to really work on daily because you need it's like a muscle. It doesn't just, it's not not just there when you need it in a crisis. It need it needs to be nurtured every single day, a little bit of something for you, so that you have the reserve so that you can go and then be the person that you need to be for your family and the people that love you and your coworkers. You know, you've got you've got you know, caregivers that are gonna call you and have a situation, and you've got to be grounded so that you can really be that that uh that uh rock for them when they need support. And and and then you get to do it for your husband and your children and your it it this is the well grandchildren and everybody. Right, exactly, exactly. So it's yeah, it's um it's a very, very interesting time

Making the most of the time you still have with your mom

SPEAKER_01 9:06

in our lives, and um we're gonna get through it together. We are, aren't we, Tina?

SPEAKER_00 9:11

We are, yes, we are. So join us, pull up a chair, you're strong, you're senior on time. We laugh, we love, we share, we laugh so we don't cry. Join us.