Get to Know the Hosts

Who are we—and why did we start this podcast?

In this first episode, we share the heart behind We Laugh So We Don’t Cry… and the very real caregiving experiences that led us here.

If you’re navigating life with an aging parent, feeling overwhelmed, or just wondering if anyone else gets it… this is for you.

In this podcast, Tina Rains, RN, and Melinda Lee Foster have real conversations, offer practical support, and find moments of laughter in the middle of hard seasons.

In This Episode:
• Why we started this podcast
• The emotional reality of caregiving
• Guilt, frustration, and not feeling like yourself
• What to expect from future episodes
• Building a supportive caregiver community

Hosts:
Tina Rains, RN
Melinda Lee Foster

Thanks for listening to We Laugh So We Don’t Cry — honest conversations, real support, and a little laughter for the caregiving journey.

🌐 Podcast Website

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🤍 Thanks to our sponsor, MasterPiece Care, for providing free caregiver guides and resources. You can also book a free conversation call with Tina Rains, RN through MasterPiece Care at the link above.

📘 Ebook for Family Caregivers on Amazon

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

We love so we don't cry.

SPEAKER_00 0:02

We're tired but we still try. Open up the ones we love with coffee courage in time.

SPEAKER_01 0:09

I guess if I was tuned into this podcast, I would be thinking to myself, who are these people? Why should I listen to the other thing? We're fun, you know, they want to like hang out with us, which is one great thing. But uh there's there's kind of like a uh um you tell a story about how I was having a bad day.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

You know, it's crazy, Melinda, when you think about it. Here we are. I'm a nurse dealing with seniors all the time, but I'm also a daughter who's dealing with my senior mom. You're talking about your mom, and um, I just find it amazing that God gave us this great idea of we laugh so we don't cry because Well, you know what?

SPEAKER_01 0:49

I was praying, I told you that. I was praying for something that I could do that would use my gifts to give back to the world. And um I think that this role, like you always say, caregiving is the is the role that you never applied for, right? Right. Never applied for it. I didn't want it, I don't think I'm that good at it. You know what? It's like so. I'm the daughter that's kind of like, I don't want to whine, I don't really want to whine, but I feel like I'm kind of whining sometimes. But and and I'm I'm hoping that uh we laugh so we don't cry podcast, gets this community of other people who maybe can relate to both of us and what we're going through because we are in a season in our life, right, Tina?

SPEAKER_00 1:36

We are we're both dealing with our moms in different ways, right? My mom's a little bit younger, she's 80, she's still living independently, but I'm still walking through all the stuff that you walk through as a daughter, and yet I'm serving these seniors and these families as a nurse and leader and admission, right? But I'm like, it's different when it's your family. Like, there's times you just want to cry because you want so much more for them, and you want to be this, you know, solid person, and you want to, but sometimes we fail, and it I feel so guilty when I do, and I'm short, or I'm abrupt, or I'm like, mom, you already told me that, you know, and I know I do the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

I feel guilty because, and this is the truth, I'm actually hiring a lot of care that I can because it's difficult when your parent isn't your parent anymore. When they're like, whether it's dementia or whatever is going on, you know, and now you're dealing with this person and you feel the responsibility because, like, you know, you might have brothers and sisters, but they're out of town, and so it's falling on you, or maybe you're doing it from a distance caretaking, and it's you feel guilty because you can't be there more. I mean, there are a lot of reasons that people will come and be a part of this community because it's, you know, hopefully we're gonna like lift each other up with some fun stories, and we're going to have um a lot of topics that we want to cover. Um, so we're hoping that we're like the go-to place, and that if you enjoy it, that you'll share it with your friends and subscribe and uh follow us and um go on to Tina's uh email uh to your your uh website, um, which you can tell us right now again, because we're gonna we need to mention it a couple of times every time we get on the air.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Yeah, so it's it's senior living palmbeach.com, and we have lots of free resources on there. So many of you listening and watching us may not be in the area, and that's okay. Melinda and I have been best friends for years and years, and what we realize is this is that a lot of people all over the country, not just in our in Florida, we're both in Florida, have a need to feel like they're not alone, have a need to just talk about it. Like, what is the one thing that you really when you think about it, like I never expected that. We all have those moments, don't we? Yeah, I'd love for you to comment below because the people watching and listening will know that they're not alone either. And so that's we're gonna bring great um experts for from a lot of different backgrounds. And I'm very grateful because I did choose to learn, and I've been taking in administrative courses for long-term care, for assisted living home, but also dementia, which has really helped me to not other not just help other people, but help me with my relationship, really having more empathy and compassion for my mom. And it's always hardest when it's your family member in any relationship. Who can relate, right? Can you relate to that, Melinda?

SPEAKER_01 4:48

Absolutely, absolutely. So, anyway, I I I I agree with you. I I am so glad that God, and we're going to we're gonna we're gonna be honest. We are both uh believers, we are Christians, we're not gonna like like goo you all up all the time with Christianity, but it is going to be something that comes into our conversation. So if you're a woman of faith and or a man, we're not gonna tell men that they can't join us too, right, Tina? We don't care, and we don't care how old, because caregivers can fall in the lap of a teenager. Um, but we really think that women our age who have aging parents and they're responsible, or maybe you've got an aging spouse, you know, and you didn't expect this to happen. You know, there's everything from early onset, dementia, and Alzheimer's, right, Tina, that can happen. And your plans get changed. Uh fast. Right. I mean, so I mean, I think that one of the things we want to share is like, what is the right time frame? Do you how many backups do you need? You know, like you and and then how do you have conversations with your family? And some families get along great, and it's kind of like just kind of known that you're all going to take care of each other and carry the weight and all that kind of good stuff. And some families aren't. So, I mean, it's it can fall on just one person, which doesn't seem to be fair.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

Well, that is one of the conversations we have often because you're the only one in town with your mom, and I'm the only one in town with my mom. And, you know, it feels sometimes like goodness, you you have to really, you know, focus on not getting frustrated with your family for not helping, you know, and in their minds, they're so busy doing whatever they're doing, they'll send money. My like my brother will send money every once in a while, but he's too busy doing what he's doing to really do much of anything else. But he, you know, it's not that he doesn't love mom or want to help me, he just they get busy. But you know what?

SPEAKER_01 6:56

You and I have busy lives too. Yeah, and I think that's the other piece of the podcast and what we're creating community-wise, is that we believe that we can understand where you're coming from and what's going on in your life because we are walking down that path ourselves right now. And you're doing it from two different perspectives, the daughter and the person that has got the the medical background and the expertise to really uh I say attack in a bad way, you know, I kind of attack this topic from a lot of different angles. And I'm and I'm kind of like the reluctant caregiver, quite honestly. You know, there are moments when it's satisfying, but I, you know, like I don't feel like I'm the nurturing person that you are. So I have to dig deep sometimes to come up with uh the loving daughter role that I really want to be in. I mean, I my prayer is like, please, God, please, please let my heart open up and you know, be more kind to my mom and be more patient and have more empathy because in this moment I just want to like, you know, it's it's like having a child, Tina. For me, it's like having a child, and I never had a family.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

Well, I was gonna say, right, your mom is like the child you never had or really wanted to have. So now it wasn't expected. And I I guarantee you, if our listeners wanted to comment down below, they would share. Yeah, I didn't sign up for this either. But then I think about okay, I gotta be careful because I got kids that are gonna be taking care of me, they're gonna see the example that I lead. You know, if I'm leading with love and compassion, then they'll do the same and they won't be getting frustrated with well.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

You you are. I have known you for how many years have we figured out now how long have we known each other? 20 20 years. And um the first time I met you, I'm gonna let you give your first impression, too. And um, the first time I met you, I thought, what a caring, loving person. I felt like your energy was just like loving and kind. And I'm I partly am here as the your co-host is because I feel like I will be a better person having experienced this with you.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Oh now you can tell yours about me. And you know, it's so funny because my first impression of Melinda, so backtrack here. Melinda and I were very I had a big staffing company, I sent nurses all over the country. Melinda's in charge of a foundation, and we're on the American Heart Association executive team to do the Go Bread for Women. Just give you the perspective, right? And um, so we're doing something good in the world. And she walks in, she's I was so intimidated by her that I was like, Oh my! And she got to know me. I did, and then literally she opens her mouth and she starts talking to me. I'm like, I love this woman, I just love her. And I was walking through a tough season then, too. And you were the first one to just say, Come on, let's go be friends. And I was like, I love you, Mel.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

I don't remember that part. I I just remember you telling me, like, you were intimidated. I'm like, trust me, you don't need to be intimidated, you know. Sometimes the people that look like they have it all together on the outside, just go a little below the surface, and you'll see that there's like whoa going on. So, you know, we're all human, we're all going through our experience. That was the time in our lives when we were in our professional, like deep professional. This you have a business that is about caregivers going out into the world and helping other people, so you can staff that that's a wonderful thing that you can do. You're in the process of um getting an assisted living facility together, and that's all part of masterpiece care. Is that the is that how you're branding it? Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

So you could tell us a little bit about that because I want to, I actually and it's really not about that for us doing this, and that's why we did this, right? Is because yes, I provide caregivers to homes and I love helping the people and I love helping the families, and that's what really drives me is helping people that that excites me, and so um masterpiece care is really trying to change the whole um way that care is given to seniors, treating them like the masterpiece that God created them to be. Because the reality is this it's not always easy, it's not always fun, and it's not that's not always laughter, right? It's hard. Whether you're the family member caregiving or you're the caregiver that's hired. Either way, when you're dealing with someone with dementia, it can be trying. And so we really want to help shift that and give family members and give caregivers the right tools so that it can help us all to be a little bit more compassionate, be a little bit more understanding. Part of that is learning tools for ourselves too, and making sure that we're, you know, not getting overexerted. And so that's why I think this is such a great podcast to share with people. And the name itself, that in itself, the way we started, right? You're sharing a conversation. I was telling you I wanted to do this podcast, right? I had no idea what I was gonna call it, except for I feel like people just need tools. And you're talking about your mom, and I'm like, oh my goodness. And the story was actually upsetting you. You were really having a bad day, and then you kind of just laughed at like you laughed, and you said something like, I gotta laugh or I'm gonna cry. And I went, Oh my goodness, that's the title. And you and I gotta do this together because that is how it feels.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

And I felt I felt like this is what I'm being led to do right now. This is where I can I can help. Um, and you know, maybe everybody else is way more loving and kind than I am. But but but maybe there are a couple of you out there that can, you know, feel what I'm feeling, which is, you know, um in my case, I feel like um my mother is no longer there. And I'm I feel like I'm kind of almost grieving her loss, but her body, she's literally physically there, but the presence and who she was in my life is is somewhat gone now. So that seems to me like sad and difficult. And um just this whole like her world revolves around her with no thought really of anyone else. And that's like, huh? You know, like you start to think like, wow, I didn't I didn't see that before. So is that the aging brain? Is it dementia? Is it narcissism? Is it whatever else? And like I'm hoping that with this podcast, other people who are seeing things happening with their parents will start to lean into information that can help them. I mean, I already we've we've actually had some recordings of experts already, and I have learned already a couple tools that I have applied. I just got tools up my legs as I'm saying this. And that is I've I've learned some things that I've already started applying and it's changing my relationship with my mom for the better. I love it. But I can't wait, I can't wait for some of these expert shows to uh to be for people to be able to see them because if we could just change one or two people's lives and they become happier as a result, because this this caregiving thing, I mean, honestly, it sounds terrible, but the the it ends in sadness because at some point that person is probably gonna pass. And so you have between now and that time to make that the most rich experience that you possibly can. And rich can mean a lot of things like personal growth, how you deal with anger and frustration and guilt and exhaustion. Like there are lots of things that can make a relationship rich. And I think that's really what this podcast has the potential to do, Tina. And and and that would just to me, that would be like, thank you, God, for letting me be a part of this experience, you know.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

I agree, I agree. At the end of the day, when they leave, because they're gonna leave, right? There's only two things that we're guaranteed. We're born and we die. Those are two guarantees, right? Taxes. Oh, yeah, yeah, that one's a joke. Yeah, that's right. Don't remind me of that. You know what time of year it is, right? But so what do we want that to look like? And that's like it's it's a real thing. And I just want to give people permission and give myself permission, give you, give us all permission to just feel the real feelings we're having because they're real. We're not here to say, okay, laugh and don't feel we want it, we want to feel it, understand it, and find better ways of coping and dealing with it. And I'm learning as much, you know, because as I'm serving the families and they come up with a new thing. And so we really would encourage each one of you to share questions, send us an email, we laugh podcast at gmail.com, and we'll put it down below. But send us questions because that's how we will um really decide which podcast we do, because it's about you, it's about you feeling like you're getting valuable tools, and um, we want to come alongside you and together we're all growing, we're all learning. And um some of the programs that we have, I'll share some very specific, like the next one we do, I'll share some very specific, you know, seven things for you to watch out for, you know, each time, and we have some other very good expert um in their field in geriatrics and different topics that we'll come share as well, that will be, I think, invaluable to all of us. So we're not just here as you know, as an RN. I'm here as a daughter too. Melinda's a daughter. We're here because we want to grow with you.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

Right, right. Yeah, that's my hope, that's my prayer. Yeah, is that we benefit some lives, and that would that would be time well spent.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

So absolutely. Well, I'm very grateful and I'm thankful for um you saying yes. Not only do I love doing life with you, but I love that we're doing this together because it's fun to be with you all the time. And I love that God just put us together in this season to make a difference in people's lives. So thank you for saying yes.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

Yeah, well, you know, um how would I I I think I started in the beginning saying, I know that I am going to be a better person for having done this with you and with the audience. You know, you, you, you out there, you know, you're gonna you're gonna make us better. So um don't hold back. Um, but I will say this haters not invited. This is a loving space. And when you put yourself out there in social media, there's always some haters, you know, like these women, mm-hmm, me. I'm like, please just keep that to yourself. We really want to have this welcoming, no judgment kind of community where you can come be yourself, share your frustrations, share your joys, share your funny stories. You know, we want to hear it all. We're gonna start asking for some like almost like TikTok, like vertical videos where you ask a question and we'll then we'll get the expert to answer that question for you. So we've got like big plans for this to be wonderful for you and in them, and then it for us too. So Tina, I feel blessed that we're doing this together.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Me too. And oh, you know what? Something that I think could be of a lot of value to a lot of people on on here today is that we're gonna do a Facebook group as well where we can actually real-time ask questions. You might be going through something really tough in that moment and you don't know how to handle it, or you want some advice, and the others in the group may have already gone through that. And so I think it will be an invaluable community for all of us to feel like we have support from others that uh and we'll provide some free tools, there's lots of free tools and the podcasts and things in there as well. So we look forward to doing this with you guys. Right, right. Thanks.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

Well, uh, till the next time. Till the next time. Oh, wait, wait, stop. We can't do that. We stop. Um I'd like to close us out by saying, Dear God, please be with us. Let us share from our hearts, and let it be, let it land on the ears, hearts, and minds of those who need to receive our message.

unknown 20:09

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Amen. Yes, thank you for not forgetting that. All right. See you next time. So join us, pull up a chariot strong senior right on time.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

We laugh, we love, we share, we laugh so we don't cry. Join us.